What comes to mind when you think about attachment parenting?
For a lot of people, they think of things like wild children, no discipline and parents generally doing whatever the kids want.
After some research, I realized I loosely followed attachment parenting without even realizing it had a name!
As a new parent, I intuitively responded to my baby’s needs with love and sensitivity, embraced baby wearing, and prioritized close contact. It turns out that many of the practices I naturally adopted align with the principles of attachment parenting, which has helped me build a strong, secure bond with my child.
But a lot of families still have ideas about what this style of parenting actually is… so here are 5 common misconceptions about attachment parenting (and why I think you should consider it)!
Myth 1: Attachment Parenting is Just Spoiling the Child
Some people think that if you respond quickly to your child’s needs or keep them close, you are spoiling them. For example, they might say that picking up a crying baby too often will make the baby clingy. Or they believe that co-sleeping will make it hard for the child to sleep alone later.
Actually, attachment parenting is all about making your child feel safe and loved. When you respond to your baby’s cries, you show them that you are there for them. This builds trust and makes them feel secure.
Attachment parenting often also includes co-sleeping. This means keeping your baby close at night. Some say this will make your child dependent, but it actually helps them feel safe and loved. My own experience with co-sleeping showed me that my child slept better and felt more secure.
Myth 2: It Means Never Letting Your Baby Cry
Attachment parenting emphasizes responding to a baby’s needs, but it doesn’t mean that babies will never cry. Crying is how babies communicate, and it’s important for parents to learn how to respond sensitively.
For example, when a baby cries, a parent might check if they are hungry, need a diaper change, or just want a cuddle. Sometimes, babies cry because they need to let out some energy. By paying attention to the different types of cries, parents can understand what their baby needs.
Looking for the specifics of how to tell what your baby is trying to say? Check out my guide to interpreting newborn cries:
Another example is talking to the baby in a calm voice when they cry. Saying things like, “I hear you, and I’m here for you,” while gently rocking them can help the baby feel understood and cared for.
For more support, look for local parenting classes or support groups. They can give you tips on how to respond to your baby’s cries in a loving and effective way. One of my favorite classes in the OKC area is New Mom School in Edmond. You get to join other mom’s in learning all things new mom, plus the added bonus of gaining a community of friends going through the same life stage!
Myth 3: Attachment Parenting Requires Co-Sleeping
Attachment parenting doesn’t mean you have to co-sleep with your baby. Co-sleeping is just one way to practice attachment parenting, but there are many other options to keep your baby close and connected.
For example, some parents prefer room-sharing, where the baby sleeps in a crib or bassinet in the same room. This allows them to respond quickly to their baby’s needs without sharing the same bed. Other parents use a bedside sleeper that attaches to their bed, making it easy to reach their baby during the night.
While this may be the case with some, when our babies where young we tried it and actually realized that they slept better in their cribs and so moved them there and used a monitor to stay alert of them.
Myth 4: It Means Always Being Physically Attached
I mean, it is in the name, right?
Well, attachment parenting actually isn’t about being physically attached to your child every moment of the day (*big sigh of relief* am I right?).
While being close is important, it’s also about being emotionally available and responsive.
I found that it was important to start routines with our kids even from the beginning (I mean, at least once we got the hang of the newborn phase). Making sure the our kids had times when they were able to play and explore by themselves (obviously we were close by) and times when we spent close were important for us.
Some examples of this is as they were toddlers, we had a circular baby gate that we would use to give them their “play space” while we were able to do a few chores or just sit for a bit. And then we always made sure to make bedtime a priority where we gave lots of snuggles, read a book and prayed together. These routines were helpful in establishing a feeling of safety for our kids and to this day we still have one kid who wants their bedtime routine – even as they are entering their teen years!
Myth 5: Attachment Parenting is Anti-Discipline
None of us want to raise kids who misbehave!
There is a belief that attachment parenting avoids discipline. But, it actually promotes positive discipline, which focuses on guiding and teaching rather than punishing.
For example, instead of giving time-outs, a parent might use time-ins, where they sit with the child and talk about their feelings and behavior. This helps the child understand what they did wrong and how to do better next time.
Another example is setting clear and consistent boundaries. A parent might explain why certain behaviors are unacceptable and what the consequences are, using calm and understanding language. This teaches the child respect and empathy.
Parenting is the toughest job in the world, but also the most rewarding.
It’s not about following a strict set of rules but finding what works best for you and your baby & child. Hopefully now you see that attachment parenting is about building a loving, respectful, and empathetic relationship with our children (not just letting them run wild and without discipline).
Remember, you don’t have to do it alone. Asking for help is okay! Reach out to local resources when you need advice or support!
Want to learn more about how to decipher your newborns cries? Click here!
Ready to find out more about OKC Birth Photography? Click here to find out more!
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