In those final weeks of pregnancy, it feels like the whole world is on pins and needles, just waiting to rush in and meet your baby as soon as they arrive.
But what if that’s not what you want?
What if, instead, you’re yearning for some quiet, private time with your newborn? It’s okay to want that, and it’s okay to say ‘no’ to visitors.
When I had my babies, my amazing friends and family flocked to the waiting room waiting to meet my newborns. I felt SO LOVED by this gesture, but looking back, I think I could have used those precious first hours to bond with my baby and I do wish I would have set some boundaries (they would have totally respected my desire to have them wait a bit!)
In this blog post, we’ll dive into why it’s important to prioritize your needs, how to set loving boundaries, and what alternatives you can offer to your eager friends and family.
So, you can enjoy those first precious moments with your baby, just the way you want.
It’s Okay to Prioritize Your Needs
First off, let’s bust the myth: saying ‘no’ to visitors doesn’t make you a bad host or an ungrateful family member. It makes you a mom who’s prioritizing her and her baby’s needs.
Remember, this time is about recovery, both physically and emotionally. If you just want your mom or your sister, that’s ok too.
When I had babies, I wanted to nurse so badly, but it just didn’t work out for me. Is it possible that passing my babies around to visitors kept me from being able to have a breastfeeding journey? Who knows – maybe, maybe not.
Health Comes First
With a newborn, health is paramount. Limiting visitors can be a health decision too. Newborns have delicate immune systems, and it’s okay to want to minimize exposure to germs.
Bonding Time is Precious
The early days with your baby are irreplaceable. They’re for bonding, understanding each other’s cues, and establishing a routine. Honestly, crowding these moments with visitors can disrupt this crucial bonding period.
Bonding is so important for both mother and baby. For baby, it’s about regulating body temperature, breathing and heart rate. For mom, it’s both great to get that oxytocin to help reduce stress, stimulate milk production and reduce postpartum bleeding.
It’s About Emotional Well-being
Postpartum blues are real, and the last thing you need is the stress of entertaining. Your emotional well-being is just as important as your physical recovery.
You’re body and mind have both been through so much the few hours before that taking some time to be in the midst of your new journey can even be a lot! Adding a ton of people into your space may overwhelm you.
Setting Boundaries is Healthy
Setting boundaries is healthy for all relationships. It’s a way to communicate your needs respectfully. Start by having an honest conversation with potential visitors before the baby arrives. Explain that you’ll be limiting visitors and why.
Here’s an example of how to explain your boundaries to your family and friends:
“I want to start by saying how grateful we are for all the love and support you’ve shown our family, especially as we welcome our new baby into the world. Your role in our baby’s life is truly cherished, and we appreciate everything you’ve done and will continue to do as he/she grows up. I’d like to have an open and honest conversation with you about something important. As a new parent, my top priority is ensuring our baby’s well-being. I’ve been learning from friends, our doctor/midwife about the significance of those first few days for bonding and breastfeeding which is why we won’t have visitors until baby is X days/weeks old. I want you to know that limiting visitors during this time is not a reflection of my love for you. It’s a necessary step for the health and adjustment of our family and we love you so much.”
Not only is setting a clear boundary for after birth good, but I’ve had clients who specifically don’t want people at their birth, so it’s good to think about the boundaries you want to set for the entire time you are in labor and delivery.
Offer Alternatives
Let your loved ones know that their support is still valued. Suggest alternative ways they can help, like dropping off meals or running errands. This lets them be involved without overwhelming you.
I always suggest to friends and family that this is a time to hold the mother, not the child. Metaphorically, hold the mother in helping her with her non-newborn responsibilities so she can have the least stressful time with her new baby.
What does that look like? Helping her keep up with the house, laundry, dishes, etc. Running errands for her or cooking meals to comfort them in those early days.
Don’t Forget the Power of Technology
Thank goodness for technology! Suggest video calls as an alternative to in-person visits. This way, everyone gets to see the baby without invading your space.
And, of course, having a professional to document your birth journey provides you with the ability to tell the story of your birth to those who you love and have set these boundaries with.
You Can Always Change Your Mind
Finally, remember, it’s your right to change your mind. If you feel up to visitors sooner or later than expected, that’s perfectly fine! Birth is a very personal time in a mother’s life and some are glad to not have visitors and others are ready to have a big group celebration!
This is your journey and your baby! Setting boundaries is not just okay – it’s necessary. And you can do so lovingly.
Looking for more mom-life tips, guidance, or stories?
Click here for the Oklahoma City Parent’s Guide to Interpreting Newborn Cries
Click here for Postpartum Mental Health in OKC: Real Talk on Postpartum Feelings and Finding Joy Again
Or click here to learn more about my Birth Photography Services!
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